


Not Quite Frenemies

by amdnj



Series: Buddies [1]
Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: Internal Monologue, M/M, Realization, gou learns how to feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amdnj/pseuds/amdnj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set right after the spit scene in Episode 43</p><p>Maybe Chase wasn't the one malfunctioning.<br/>Maybe Gou was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Quite Frenemies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kitarin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/gifts).



What was this awful fucking feeling in his stomach? This pounding, scared uncertain feeling that made him feel as if his whole world was turned upside down? The word buddy echoes in his head a few times, and all he can do is dig his hands deep into his hair, as if his nails against his scalp can cleanse his mind of this word, of these feelings, and of this unease. Of course, it doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked since this whole fucking mess started.

Because with every echo of buddy.

_Concern. Confusion. Frustration. Concern. Concerned expressions sent his way. His heart racing and twisting painfully as if to punish him for such a fucking sinful display of emotion towards one of them. Care somehow etched across monotone words that were never as monotone as he wanted them to fucking be. Because if they were it would be so fucking easy wouldn’t it?_

Every echo of teammate.

_Concern. Concern. That fucking CONCERN AGAIN! That same fucking concerned expression that isn’t even hidden to him even if he’s in Chaser as he strikes against him. The strange comfort and frustration simultaneously choking him as he tries to attack Chase, yet the other never fights back. Fighting alongside him, Gou masking his joy and delight with a feeling he convinces himself is the need to survive and temporarily use resources in battle. The enemy of my enemy…_

Every echo of lover.

_Pleasure. Sweat. Nails against skin. Teeth against Teeth. The feeling of skin against skin, bewitching and lying about how what underneath couldn’t be metal and wire and everything wrong about Gou’s entire fucking family. Chase’s lips against his muffling all the screams of confusion and anxiety and how the world is black and white and this is a whole nother fucking shade of color that doesn’t exist in this binary. How it gets harder and harder every time to try to make an excuse for his lapse in fucking judgment and is grateful Chase is nice enough never to speak about their affairs in the presence of anyone who has half a brain?_

The second he’s free. The second he’s in his hotel room alone, not his usual routine of picking up someone to sleep with and spend the night because the last time he’d said the wrong name and he still couldn’t scrub the confusion and nervousness out of his system. He closes the door hard, and it’s as if the loud noise shatters the illusion. The illusion that’s fooling everyone but the one person he needs to fool the most, himself.

A scream leaves his throat and for a moment he can’t even registered it as his. He can’t register the tears as his. He can’t register this feeling of hatred and jealousy as his. Nor the shaking. But they are aren’t they? He can’t ignore it forever. He simply can’t fucking ignore it forever. Because these are his feelings. He’s jealous of….

Chase?

The looks Kiriko gives him. The looks Shinnosuke gives him. The attention Kiriko gives him.  The attention Shinnosuke gives him. The way he’s stronger. Calmer. Better. The way he can get under skin and get everything done. The way Chase fits the hole that Gou thought was one that could only fit him. The way his paranoia and insecurities scratch the words of doubt and fear all over his skin over and over every time he thinks of Chase’s addition to the team and what it means for him. The way Chase loves his sister. Loves Shin-nii. The way that he can’t fucking keep himself straight every time the other is around. How his body is set a flame. His mind goes into overdrive. Cheeks painted red, the color of nerves and embarrassment and passion and longing to feel skin against skin to feel heart against heart. The way he wishes things were easier so he could just….

Love Chase.

For a moment his heart stops. His whole body shuts down as if the realization is too much for him to bare, yet its one he’s always known. It’s one that echoes across his soul, whispering words and planting seeds that have grown into the sudden moment where for once. For once, his heart speaks one sentence instead of screaming two.

_I love Chase._

For once, even though he hates roidmude, he hates Banno more. This monster. Everything he’s done. Everything he wants to do. The way he’s treated everyone he’s cared about. The way he’s even hurt roidmude. He can peg something as the bad guy. There’s something he can call evil and maybe...he can call the roidmude….not good but not….

Maybe he didn’t have to kill all of them. Maybe he could think of Chase as his teammate.

As he stands to his feet, his stomach throws itself back on the floor, walling in regret and indecision and loathing as every instance of his horrible treatment towards the other flashes through his memory. Chase had always cared no matter what had happened. No matter how many times they slept together only to have him scream that it didn’t count and run off. No matter how many times he’s denied even their friendship. He still has always cared. Maybe…Even if Chase can barely understand people. Maybe Chase has always understood him. Even before he did.

Taking a deep breath, he takes out his phone and selects Chase contact staring at the candid photo he’d chosen as the picture. It was one he’d taken when Chase wasn’t paying attention. A small smile was on his face as he looked off. It was a look Gou rarely saw on the other’s face. And suddenly, Gou wanted to make it on his face more often. No matter what it took.

Maybe. He could do this.

_Oi. Chase. You doing something tonight?_

He types quickly hitting send before the other one can join the bottomless pit of anxiety and unsent drafts filled with a thousand apologies and drunken late night sentiments. This time, he’ll run towards what he wants instead of away from his problems.

_Who am I kidding? You never had anything to do at night. Come meet me at the diner I like. I’m paying._

The next one is even easier to send, and he finds himself grinning for a moment at it.

_And before you ask, I change my mind. We’re buddies...Just don’t go making a big deal about it._

And with that his heart jumps up in his throat and at the same time breathes a sigh of relief. All that bravado about not being buddies in order to keep the order of good and evil clean. All in order to deny his feelings towards a complication he didn’t want to run in to.

Everything was maybe heading the right way.

_Thank you, Gou._

He nearly drops the phone at those words, but his phone buzzes again with one more text.

_I will see you tonight._

Things were definitely heading the right way for once.


End file.
